A Sure Fire Cure for those Cabinfever Blues
by Marcie Gore
Summary: Dick breaks his leg and must find ways to entertain himself.


_**: " A Surefire Sure for Those Cabin Fever Blues, get well soon or we'll kill you by Marcie Gore**_

**Summary:** Dick has to stay home from work because he breaks a bone, but the rest of the family soon needs time off.

**AN:** This insanity was inspired by an episode of "Mad About you " called: "So, I married a hair murderer" where Jamie drives Paul crazy after she looses her job. The usual disclaimers apply. , NBC owns the soaps I parodied.

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Man this stinks! I can't believe how stupid I was chasing that girl- especially on ice! She has short legs but she's quick. Never underestimate your opponent... even if she's 3. Now I'm in a cast for 6 to 8 weeks! To make matters worse it's the same leg that was broken when I was kidnapped.

Actually, I wasn't chasing her. I was trying to help her up after she fell down ice-skating. I though she was hurt badly because she was crying and I saw blood. Well. She only has scratches and I have a broken leg. I should not have been the one watching Lian but her dad, my supposed best friend, was off flirting with a cute blonde at the rink when his daughter fell (and thus me). I can't blame him too much. He knew I'd watch my favorite niece while he tried to score points with a figure skater. He stops flirting when he hears his baby scream.

Roy was comforting Lian, while the girl he was flirting with comforted me. This PO'd my friend that "his girl" is paying attention to me. I'd have really enjoy the situation if...

1. My leg didn't hurt so much

2. I wasn't totally in love with Barbara.

When I was getting ready to go home from NYC, Roy insists he and Lian come to stay with me in Bludhaven and help. He must' feel really guilty about what happen because he does everything for me, or tries. I never seen my Goddaughter so quiet or well behaved either. Her daddy must have told her Uncle Dick needs his rest.

Those two aren't my first choice to nurse me be back to health. The last time I needed nursing when I had the flu Babs nearly killed me after two days, 102.5 temperature and all. Was going to call Al and see if he has any soup. Chicken or vegetable, doesn't matter to me as long as it's homemade.

Things go great for three days. Roy waits on me hand and foot, fueled by his guilt over his part in my injuries. He cooks for me as well as Lian. He also adds food poisoning my list of complaints. Still it's nice of him to try and entertaining for me to watch.

He keeps the house clean, as clean as it can be with two bachelors and a toddler. It stays clean until about 7 p.m. Then he comes in with beer on his breath and a bunch of strangers, male and female. Then they party till I throw them out about 3 a.m., that's after trying to sleep since midnight.

The first night I thought I'd sleep through a hurricane or a Roy party after I took a pain pill. I can't sleep between the noise and feeling hyper from lack of activity besides I get really grumpy, and I mean Batman grumpy, when I'm deprived of sleep on those rare nights I get to bed before 2 a.m. Add to that my throbbing leg and even Roy obeys when I tell him party's over.

The next two days are more of the same. Despite the Painkillers I think I still get 3 hours of sleep a night between my leg and Roy using my apartment for nightly raves. The only thing that keeps me from killing him is that he and the munchkin let me sleep some in the day. When I'm awake I gather blackmail info on him. Did you know he watches that supernatural soap on GBC? I think he's "in Love" with that character Sherry Crane. I have got to find a way to get PROOF he Watches. So far I only have Lian going around saying Sherry kissed Juan! I MUST have my fiancée step up her surveillance in the living room. She can produce proof!

By day four I have my proof. I may have to use it soon if his Daughter doesn't quit practicing archery indoors. She's almost missed twice. I'm so glad Lian only uses Nerf arrows and suction cups.. I spoke too soon; the tot has her hands on her Dad's boxing glove arrow the moment daddy leaves the room l! It goes right into the wall leaving a boxing glove sized hole! I'm going to kill Roy!

He just brought me a grilled cheese sandwich and some of Al's soup. I'll eat now kill later!

"Thanks for dinner, Bow-Head but look what your daughter did to the wall! Since it's your baby and not you I won't kill you. Besides I'm too drained to go after you right but when I feel better you will pay one way or another. Then I laugh.

"You hear that, Kid? Uncle Dick wants you to empty out your piggy bank. Just kidding! We'll work out a deal Robbie, but when I get back from the Tower. They need me for a mission since you're laid up; I have to lead the team. Sounds simple, shouldn't take more that 5 days, a week at the most. Since you're in no position to baby sit, I 'll leave Lian with her nanny. I must go tonight so you get a Good nights sleep. By the way I'm sorry I kept you up for 4 days while I partied. Will you tape my shows for me, huh Buddy? And keep your mouth shut that I watch "Affections," and "Every day seems like a year"."

"Yes, I will keep my "mouth" Shut." He didn't say anything about my emailing photos. I now have stills of him in front of my TV. Babs managed to zero in on the "Affections" logo.

The next day when I wake up after the best night's sleep I've had since I broke my leg, I still wonder what I'm going to do without Roy making noise. First I need to see if they'll let me work in my current condition... I was on a week's vacation when I broke my leg. My usual shift is late afternoon and its 12 noon now. I'll bring my uniform in case.

When I hobble in heads turn including Amy's, my partner. " What happened to you, Rookie?"

"Broke my leg," I say with a grin.

"That's obvious Grayson. How'd you do it? You know you can't get workmen's comp? It didn't happen at work." Amy tells me.

"I broke it ice skating, actually I trying to keep my goddaughter from falling. She just got bruises and minor cuts. I, as you see, I got a broken leg. Now when do I report for Desk duty?"

"You look like you haven't slept well, less than usual; your leg been hurting that much? It looks pretty swollen and bruised. Maybe you should stay out a few weeks. Besides we actually have too many people on desk duty lately. Crutches are a safety hazard anyway. We'll send you paper works by computer, if you really insist. If it makes you feel better. Keep that leg propped up that's an order!"

As I'm leaving, I start coughing and sneezing really hard. Amy adds, "And take care of that cold. Don't come back till a doctor says you can!" _Someday I'd love to know how he really broke his leg. He's way too coordinated to have broken his leg just doing anything. I tell you there's some different about that kid, and not just that he's Bruce Wayne 's adopted son._

Since I got up about 11. I hate to admit it but I miss having Roy waiting on me hand and foot. Guilt is wonderful! First thing I notice is how hungry I am; I haven't had anything but burnt toast. I Think I'll to go to Mc Tasty's and get one of their "Superhero Pleaser specials", a double Cheeseburger, Fries and a thick chocolate shake. OHHH, a Flying wind up Superman Toy! I must have it! I mean for Lian next time I see her.

I'd forgotten how great their burgers are and those shakes taste homemade! OK, maybe it's because I'm hungry! Alfred would kill me if he saw how I'm eating! He'd say, "You need to eat right to heal right."

I'll eat my dinner then talk to my favorite lady. I'm sure she'll be online. She's always online. When we marry I think I can keep her busy other ways.

"Hello Gorgeous!" I type.

"What's going On FBW? Did Leslie ok you to put on the tights again? How's that work with a big bulky cast? Did you charm the doctor into not putting you in a cast? You can be charming but that's a good trick even for you, my husband to be."

"Can't a guy talk to the woman he loves without it being about Business? I Love you! Yes, I do have a cast on, see?" I say sticking my cast in front of the web-cam.

"OK, OK sexy, I get it you're bored. I'd think you'd be grateful for the peace and quiet after a week of Roy. OH, btw, I found someone to fix your wall; " Speedy Contractors" One little girl did a big number on your wall. I'm going to remind you of that first time you want our kids to play with Lian." Babs says with a huge grin.

"Can I stay with you? I need round the clock care and you're the best. Besides your House is so easy to get around in."

"No way, you are the worst sick or injured person alive. I understand you're both right now."

"What happened to in sickness and health? Besides, that title belongs to Bruce. He is the world's worst patient, just ask Alfred."

"I'm not ready to deal with that part yet, and besides I'm swamped with work right now. I wouldn't be able to pay the patient proper attention. You'd be pretty much your own."

"Ooook." I say with my best puppy dog eyes aimed right at the Web-cam. "I'll packing my overnight bag before you know it!"

"Sorry! Not working, FBW. I love you though. I'll check up on you a lot to make sure you're not dead, I promise!"

Think I'll call Bruce next. "Hey, big guy, how's it going?"

"Son, I'm on patrol. I know you can't go out, so is this an attempt to live vicariously through me? If that's all you want, call Wally or track down Roy."

He hung up on me. Well, I'll try again. He called me son. He must not be in too bad a mood. I'll call back a little later when he might not be as busy.

After being hung up on by my Bat-Daddy 10 more times I decide to follow his suggestion and call some of my other friends.

"Hey Robin, what's up?"

"I'm a little busy, Bro." Tim tells me. I hear a thump, and thud in the background, then a groan. I listen to more of the same for like five minutes. I guess he is very busy. He's getting good. I chose well.

Next I call the manor. "Hey Alfred, how are you?"

Alfred sounds out of breath and flustered. "Hello, Master Dick, how is your leg? Do you need any more soup? Oracle told master Bruce you had a cold on top of your broken leg. You need to get more sleep, young man. Well I must get back to work." I hear Leslie in the background. "You keep that leg propped up, young man!" I know why Al seemed in such a hurry, he has company. Way to go AL!

I think I'll take a look at Fan Fiction net next. Roy told me there's some great Lord of the Rings stuff. I decide to look at them first. . WOW, 10000, some people have no life. Look at all that Galactic Battles Fics. Some of this is plain wrong, Sam and Frodo, from 'ring", a "couple"? This stuff seems to be sub genera Slash. Some is just real touchy feely, some are, let's just say, detailed! I wonder how bad they'd be if they allowed NC-17 stories.

Next I think I'll go to the TV fan Fiction section. Again, I say wow! Look at the Xena, Hercules and X files stuff! I see Wendy: The Werewolf stalker has A LOT of fans who like to write. I wonder If Tim and Superboy know about this stuff? I guess they do. I had no idea either of those boys knew words like that, I'll have to have a talk with Tim. On the other hand the kid is a good writer has a good imagination. I hope it's his imagination.

I think it's time to fire up the printer. I simply must share Little Bro's talent. Then again I might stay quiet for a price. I wonder if I know anymore of the writers?

I look through the "Affections" stories till I see a handle that looks familiar, "RedBow" I look though. It's a rather steamy story about Sherry and Juan. I click on the name Red Bow to see his info. Roy Harper! I knew it, another piece for my blackmail file. I think I'll go to Bed early tonight, I'm wondering if my Cold's getting worse?

The next morning I know I'm definitely worse. Babs calls me at 8:00 AM. She says, "Hey short pants. Still want to come recuperate at the tower? You can one condition; you MAY use the computer but not communicate with any other heroes or use the phone unless it's an emergency. You are to rest." Under her breath I hear her say "and not be a pest."

"Leslie said she'd drop by the tower before she goes to the clinic to check your leg, and the way you sound I'd guess prescribe you some antibiotics. You don't have to bother to get dressed, just come in your P.J. s and robe. You still got those cute Superman PJS? "

She didn't tell me to but I pack a few clothes for when I feel better. Then I head to Bab's. Maybe I should be nice and get some doughnuts or biscuits and coffee. I go to Chocolate Haven and Pick up some biscuits and variety of pastries. When I get to the tower Leslie is on Bab's couch.

"Sit the sack down right now young man," Doc. Thompson tells me. "Barbara tells me you're in need of medical attention," she continues, "You can eat after I finish examining you."

I reluctantly take my chocolate doughnut out of my, mouth and submit to an exam. I have a fever 100.5. I knew it, I feel so bad I just have to have a fever.

Finally She decides I have bronchitis and prescribes an antibiotic and cough meds with expectorants. She also warns me not to mix the cough syrup with my pain medication for my leg. I don't need them anymore, anyway.

One good thing that might come from this; maybe Babs will wanta nurse me back to health. She's busy but I still know she loves me. Even if we don't get to spend much time together, I'll still know she's there. I've started to hate being alone when I'm sick.

After I eat I take my medicine. Pretty soon I'm fast asleep. The only way I know I actually fell asleep is I had a sexy dream about Barbara. It started out as an ON the job Dream. I'm swinging around the city as Nightwing. Suddenly I start falling. I fall straight into a boat. I turn around and there's Babs in a skimpy blue nightie. We're about to make love when I wake up. I'll kill whoever woke me be up, unless of course it is Babs.

It is Barbara; She has a sweet smile on her face. She hands me coke and a bell, then the remote to the TV." The bell's in case you need anything. I want you to rest," SHORT PANTS." she tells me. I smile sweetly

It's almost 1 P.M. I'll see why Roy likes that show "Every Day seems like a year" This is so weird but I can't help but watch. How did all these people get on that island that is a replica of their town? Why did they think they were all dead? Why didn't that kid see that old woman was really a crazy girl who's obsessed with him? Tim's too smart fall for that and He seems younger that this kid. Heck he wouldn't have fallen for it when I first met him. How'd the girl build a cage in her Summerhouse by herself? I'd think Her equally insane Partner in crimes no help. Like I said it's weird but I'm enjoying it. Is that the fever or will it still be good after it goes down?

Now it's time for "Affection." OHH, Sherry and Juan are getting married or at least having a comment ceremony. From what I understand the reason the can't be married legally yet is she was married to his brother Anthony he was presumed dead in a plane crash before they could get divorced and no body, to be found. Talk about dysfunctional family these soap towns are full of em.

About 2:30 I feel hungry again; I ring my bell, Babs comes out of her oracle room and ask, "How may I serve you my love?"

"Can I trouble you for a coke and some chicken soup and Crackers" I say in my best sick voice. I know Babs keep microwaveable bowls of soup chili and stuff in her cabinets; it saves her time so she can get back to her important work quickly. 5 minutes later she came in with the bowl of soup on a tray attached to her chair. Yuck the soup is still cold; her microwave must be messed up so I ring the bell again and ask her to try again. She's still being pleasant.

That pleasantness last about 2 hours 4 cokes and 2 bowl of ice cream when I ask for a cup of coffee She brings the coffee but this time she doesn't seem cheerful she says," OK that's it short-pants if you have feeling that much better why don't you start doing something for yourself or at least find something to keep yourself busy or just take some more cough syrup and take another nap." "I told you before you could go online." she says more calmly than before,

So I do as I'm told and take my coffee to the laptop Barbara says I can use, I think I'll go to fan fiction net first. WOW look at all hero fan fiction! There are more for Batman than Nightwing, but I'm catching up. I wonder how this Syl Francis seems to know so much about me like how does she know Barbara used to baby-sit me and I had a stuffed elephant as a kid? The biggest question did she figure out I was Robin or is just fantasy or just a lucky guess, this Charlene Edwards loves to get me in legal trouble, including being falsely accused of killing Bruce. She had me starting to believe Tim and I did it! Her legal details are so professional too, I click on her name she is a lawyer. SO, all these fan fiction writers aren't just geeks who live in their parents basements. Marcie Gore's Beth verse is pretty cool I have a cute kid but she rarely gives MY wife who reminds me of Babs any alone time no wonder we have such a hard time getting pregnant.

I know I'm going to regret but I find myself going to an adult fan fiction site. There is a section for super hero fan fiction; some of it's sweet and romantic if explicit. Some of the pairings are SO wrong though, especially the slash. Several have me paired with my friends like Wally and Roy. Like I said; wrong. If I were gay I wouldn't go for them, I don't think, after all they are my best friends If I thought that was wrong I'm in for even bigger shocks. Bruce with Clark as if; me with Bruce; that is so gross! He's like my dad; he even adopted me. I won't email this to Bruce; I'm just going to try to forget I saw it.

Next I see something that really intrigues me. SLASH but girl/girl pairing. . No surprise there's lots Wonder Woman and SUPERGIRL stuff. What's this, a guy called T, Borders has several Batgirl and Troia fics. Some other writers pair Batgirl and Starfire. I Wonder if Babs has seen this? I don't know whether to horrified or excited. DO I show it to Babs? IF I do will she think that's what I really want? I better not show her the stuff with her and Kory. She has enough issues about my past with Kory without reading these.

I however have no such misgivings about sharing the stories with Roy and Wally or Garth who I'm paired with in, not one but a series of fan fiction. I can't wait SEE their faces next time I go to the tower. I may as well share the feeling I got reading them. I wonder who's face will be reddest. Then again I may need to send them from a different email address. Those two are two of the straightest guys I know, they won't be happy with anything that implies otherwise. This is going to be fun! I start mass –mailing the stories that I found. All I have to do now is sit back and wait for my friend's reactions.

I suddenly have this overwhelming urge to explore her laptop. I know it's wrong BUT if that laptop had anything important she wouldn't let me use it. My searching uncovers something interesting I find a folder labeled "documents to be sent to Donna." Hmm, This requires further action. I open it and what appears fan fiction. In another folder I find more fiction that I've see on various websites. It seems my love has a secret hobby; how can I use this bit of info? I'll have to think about it.

Few days later Babs tell me I have a visitor, with a gift. I wonder who it is? Maybe it's Alfred with soup or homemade goodies. Maybe it's Roy with a check to cover the damage to my wall. The person on the other side of the door is the last person I expect to see, Zatanna. She says some words that sound vaguely Latin. Suddenly my cast disappears. I move my leg doesn't hurt either. The remnants of my infection also seem to be gone. As she is leaving she says, "This gift of healing is from me and all your friends and family. They want you up and about as soon as possible." Barbara and her laugh as the magician walks out the door.


End file.
